Raison Detre - Finding your Purpose

Yesterday I had a delightful evening discussing all manner of things with some good friends of mine from karate school, where I practice and sometimes teach.

The topic invariably moves after several rounds of beers and nice food in Chinatown to the meaning of life. We had Johnson explaining the Buddhist philosophies and Felipe on the Hindu teachings. I sat by silently, absorbing all that was going on with great interest. It dawned upon me that all religions have good values inherent in them. I  then recalled  the 5 tenets from this wonderful game changing book called Ikiigai by Ken Moji which in rough translation means the "reason for my existence" or Raison Detre  for the French speakers.  

Essentially Ken Moji's point is this : we are all searching for our Raison Detre, by learning and more importantly practicising these 5 values or Pathways, you will find your Ikiigai or Purpose in Life. Every person's Purpose will be different, and some may change during their life due to circumstances and unforseen events but such is the way life is :  

The 5 tenets I have learned and am trying to implement in my daily life are :

1. Start Small 
In any aspect or stage in your life. Take on bite sized challenges which you can do bit by bit by bit. As a personal anecdote, to date I have managed to run some full 10 marathons. When I decided to start, I could barely run 2.4 km (that was when I was 38 years old). So I gave myself a challenge and slowly I built up my stamina, from 2.4 to 3km, 4 km, 5 km and woke up early (5 am on most weekdays) and bit by bit, I improved my distance and stamina.

After 1 year of concentrated training, I could cover 21 km without much extra effort. (I was 39 years old then, still considered in my 'prime' of fitness. Then, I continued with the schedule as laid out by Runners World and ran 10km to 14 km every day for 5 days with 1 day rest. Saturdays were reserved for my long runs (16 to 20 kms), and I signed up for my first full marathon which was in Penang Malaysia 2003. 

So from the start when I gave up golf in 2000, till mid 2003, it was a full 2.5 years till I reached the fitness and confidence to run a full Marathon. I still have the certificate and medal as a  momento.  From then on I had the stamina base and body conditioning and was able to continue running a marathon each year till the year 2015 when I decided to take a break.

Start Small

2. Release Yourself 
Put your ego down in a box, do something which you enjoy, much as many people claim they enjoy work, the reality is that in the corporate world, the efforts are rewarded with money or salary and performance bonus and there are many boardroom and office politics. I interpret it as if you want to do something, make that something, is an activity which you personally love and can spend immeasurable time on it. I call it a body of work. Some example can be painting, writing (in my case), or even simple hobbies like gardening. 

Volunteering in social and religious organizations such as in  your church, temple or mosque is another excellent way of releasing yourself.

Release Yourself. 

3. Harmony and Sustainability  
Our mother Earth is hurting bad. Climate change caused by excessive greenhouse gases and the massive deforestation of the tropical rainforests in S.America, South East Asia is leading to a hotter and hotter Earth surface temperatures. We must find a way to create and embody harmony and sustainability for ourselves, such as our carbon footprint (I am guilty of that), recycling more (again I am guilty) and using less plastic (guilty as charged).

Every person must do his or her part to sustain our mother Earth. Achieving harnony is also another goal - with our family, relatives, friends neighbours and even strangers. 

The Japanese have mastered the art of graciousness in all situations. I think it is important to learn that trait.

  Go West - the Queen of Spain told Italian Christopher Columbus in late 15th century.

Harmony and Sustainability. 

4. Find Joy in doing small things. 
Another personal anecdote of mine. I sleep on a tatami bed. Its cooling and very functional, providing very good back support. Its high density foam is excellent for reinforcing the back. Every morning, I ensure I fold the duvet or bedspread well and place it folded in one corner. The tatami bed is nicely folded and pushed under the main bed. Neat.

I find joy in doing this simple act every day. It takes 5 to 10 minutes but I do enjoy making the bed !

Even when I am travelling, I actually tidy back the hotel bed, place the towels and litter in their proper places and containers. 

So, during the event of each and every day, any rotten or unfortunate, upsetting things will and often come my way, at the end of each day, no matter what had happened, I go home and see my made by myself tatami bed and duvet and I take comfort that at least 1 thing went right for me that day.  

Find Joy in Doing Small Things.

5, Be in the Here and Now.
This is Mindfulness 101. When we are eating, focus on the food, chewing, tasting, swallowing and digesting. Many people let their thoughts drift elsewhere most often looking at that handphone slash entertainment system. Many people become mindless zombies during their mealtimes, their commute to and from work or wherever they are going and at the end of the day, they just go home and crash out. One day slips to one week and the time just slips by. There will come a time when this feeling - ennui or a state of listlessness will set in, and then depression will follow.  

Mindfulness. Be Here and Now. Tomorrow Can Wait. Yesterday is Gone.

Have I found my Raison Detre ? Yes. Its personal and its a work in progress. Meanwhile I have found my little spot in the Universe and I am at peace.

Carpe Diem.    


  

Unforgettable Egypt Dec 2009

The ubiquitous camel by the Pyramids of Giza

My family made a year end trip, a 13 day trip to Egypt in 2009. To me, this was a game changer as to how I understood the way civilization was and after that trip, I came to realise that Mankind in is present form has been around for hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of years. 

The Pyramids of Giza were built sometime from 3000 BC to 1000 BC when Egypt was at the height of its political, military and economic power. To see the remnants of the death monuments as well as the many 'ships' which would transport the Pharoahs, their wives and their favourite eunuchs to the afterlife was something of a gamechanger for me. 

These early people had indepth knowlegdge in engineering technology, science, mathematics and astology some 5000 years ago ! Their artefacts and their monuments are just another testament to the rise and fall of the powerful nations past and present. 

Beside the Relief of Ramses II at Luxor Temple, 2009 

In the following posts I will show some of our pictures taken when we were in the cruise ship for 4 days starting from Luxor to Aswan, passing Kom Ombo. No other country to date can take away my fascination about the country of Egypt which I have visited only but once.   

Sapiens the Lecture - Prof Yuval Noah Harari

Why The Elderly are Venerated and Respected

It finally dawned upon me. I have met brilliant scientists, socio-economic specialists, gerontologist lecturers and people who have asked the brightest brains from Harvard to conduct a 70 year (yes 70 year) study of thousands of individuals and try to get a pattern as to why some people lived longer than others. The results were startling. I will try to put it down to a few key pointers.

1. People who lived happier, lived longer.

2. People who achieved happiness in old age actually generally were not top earners or   most powerful or most successful in their careers.

3. People who were generally happier had the best quality relationships with their spouses, their siblings,relatives and had a close circle of friends.

4. An acquaintence of mine from the School of Engineering at the National University of Singapore also spent some time in India trying to find out why some people lived till past their 100th birthday. He concluded after seeing a 104 year old headmaster of an orphanage who when he entered the orphanage had all the kiddies running up to him and hugging him giving him love and warmth 
  
5. People need a purpose for the greater good of their circle of influence. To be of use all the way to their dying day. 

In many Eastern societies the elderly are venerated and almost treated like Holy people.I always wondered why. Today I realise the reason why is because it is the opposite. Elderly people have their complete heuristic life experiences and wisdom well beyond comprehension of the younger people and they want to tell their stories and experiences in the hope that the young may learn and gain from their experiences.
  
They may not be mobile, or sometimes even confined to a wheelchair.

Celebrating my Uncle Vaithinathan's 100th birthday in 2015. 

He was first a schooltescher, then school principal, at 55 he became a barrister

at 75 he took to learning new languages and became an accomplised 

translator. He spoke and wrote 5 languages including Russian. 

Certainly a model for me. 

But they want to give their all. For in giving, they find a definite sense of purpose to stay on. Just a little while longer.  To help that one more person. If there is hesitation, we the younger ones should coax and cajole it out of them. To regale in their finest hours.

Love and Respect our Elderly. Understand that their physical and sometimes emotional 
attributes have faded and they may appear cranky, need to use the loo often 
(incontinence) and possibly even lose their trend of thought.

The Ravages of Time on a person's body can be merciless. However, they will want to share their  innermost feelings and experiences in the hope that they can still be of relevance to the people around them. Let them have their golden hours. For they will never ever walk this way again.  Soon, one day we will become the elderly and face the same circumstances as our fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts and all those who had gone before us did.

Carpe Diem. 

The image to last a lifetime

Circa 1987 just after my Graduation 

This is one picture which is priceless to me. My family photo taken at my graduation somwhere around September 1987. The photographer was the then famous Joe Wong (My Mum's friend) who was based in Tiong Bahru. 

I had just graduated in June that year, with a Bachelor of Engineering Degree from the National University of Singaopore. My brother John was probably in his 2nd year of Med school. My father Geoffrey was dressed in his legal robes when he would attend court and my Mum Anna wore her favourite green dress. My guess she would be 57 that year and my father would have been 68 years of age.

I had that rather cheeky smirk of a young upstart who thought he knew it all. The trouble with time is that it flies in a blink of an eye and since that day when I was the smirky young engineering graduate till now, a young old man all of 57, the days and years have gone by. We have raised 2 fine young men, who are still in University, both my parents have passed on and I am still trying to make it as a manageable business person or entrepreneur.  

This photo is 32 years old which makes both John and myself ancient !!!  

Seize the Day. 

Illogical things parents say to their kids

                          With my father, Geoffrey at the Parthenon, Greece in June 1974

As a parent myself, I have always pondered and wondered why when I was young, my Mum Anna or my Por Por would spoon lots of food on our plates and then say, 'finish it up Mark, remember there are many starving children in Africa... (or China) ". That was in the late '60s and early '70s when China was poor. . 

As a young dumb kid, of course I took and ate my fill, and became a plump pre-teen. That was before I started the swimming program.

I don't deny the fact that 1. there are many people today, young children in war torn societies and even in developed USA who are denied 3 proper meals a day. It is a sad development of laissez fair capitalism that many people have ended up at the bottom of the economic rung and have to stay at shelters or even on the streets when once their future looked rosy and bright. 

2. Things have improved for Singapore economically since the late '60s so much so that we are the 3rd "richest" in Gross development Product worldwide.  

However when I think back about what my Mum said, till today, I still cannot understand the logic that if I finished all the food on my plate, then.... what ? 

Mum and Papa circa 1973 outside Tropicana at Scotts Road

The poor starving children will (unfortunately) still be denied the meals.


My guess is that they were playing on my conscience that wasting food is bad. Of course it is. Any form of wastage is bad. We are now all into recycling and reusing things.   

My parents should in actual fact have given me smaller portions, I would still grow up to an adult, albeit a less plump one. if they were so concerned about the starving children, they should have donated some of the money they earned to the many NGOs and charities who actively DO help the needy children here and overseas, instead of making us eat excessively and growing up to be plump unhealthy teenagers. 

Just another random useless musing. 

To do a task well, go right to the core of the action and understand each step fully.

I have been folding my duvet, or comforter every morning for about 4 months now. This is due to the fact that I sleep on a tatami mat and the duvet and the tatami mat need to be folded every morning after I get out of bed and before I head to work. 

This task has evolved every since I read somewhere that by starting the day with doing small tasks with pride, I accomplish something and that small something is my 'reward' for that day even though the events of that day may be very unfulfilling or comprised of firefighting meetings, and doing things in the name of project completion, paperwork (form submissions and similar stuff like that).

                                                         Niccolo Machiavelli
Today I had difficulty folding the duvet into a nice form - it was lumpy and the duvet did not fold symmetrically. I realised that all along, I had not gotten into the covers of the duvet, and moved the inner down material such that every part inside the duvet is in proportion and equally spread out INSIDE the duvet. 

So I had to take the extra time to get inside, open the duvet through unbuttoning the sides and physically moving the down material inside. Bottom line of this trivial story is this ; 

If you want to do something really well, do not just "go through the motions", get down and dirty and open up and find out every and each thing, fully understand the workings, advantages and disadvantages of the placement of the inner down material, once settled, seal it up and the issue is once and for all, settled.

Then and only then I am able to resolve the problem of lumpiness and then fold the duvet into the nice shape that is is now, sitting in one corner of my bedroom.

Trivia, but message is this ; focus and get into the core of the task, understand each step of your task well, then you can say you have mastered the task.